The Coopers 5.3

[jayeless_archive]

Good news! I reinstalled my game in a 64-bit virtual drive with a newer version of Wine (2.18 stable) and it all runs like a dream now. No more crashing and I can afford to play with higher graphics settings! This means that I’ve actually played ahead a little bit, trying to create a backlog of posts to give me some buffering NaNoWriMo. We’ll see how that goes. For now, enjoy!

Last time: Josh enjoyed the Serial Romantic life. India played with a lot of food and befriended her great-grandpa’s ghost. Billie and Arnold conceived another baby. Feeling abandoned by Arnold (who was at work), Billie became receptive to Josh’s advances… very receptive. We continue…

So I forgot that at the end of the last update, Billie “Shared her Big News” with Arnold. She told him again… AND THIS TIME HE STARTED SCREAMING AT HER.

Britta is appalled. And also a bit worked up from when Billie was telling her salacious rumours about office romances about five minutes ago.

Originally there was going to be a caption here about Ella still not quite getting this whole EVIL TRAIT thing… but then I thought about it and tbh every time I was a kid and my elders tried to teach me to “be responsible” it felt akin to torture. So, I think Ella was just one step ahead of me.

Fuck off Siobhan, it’s 12:01am, you have 23 hours and 59 minutes more to make up for leg day.

The sexual tension at this breakfast table is palpable.

Except to Britta, who’s too busy stuffing her face full of eggs and toast to notice.

Billie decided to complain about her love life with the metaphor of wilting flowers again.

She then mocks Arnold’s reaction to being told about his impending fatherhood. Her joviality doesn’t fully mask her hurt feelings.

Speaking of Arnold… I couldn’t find him, and then I suddenly did HERE IN JOSH’S BED?!?

Did you refuse to share a bed with your wife last night and share one instead with your little brother? if so, why

I forget what Josh and Ella were literally doing here, but it looks rather a lot like they’re collaborating on an evil scheme, doesn’t it?

A whim to be mean to your grandma?! I know she’s apparently immortal, but this is just harsh.

Then these two go to the park, because Josh needs MOAR KISSEZ!! and Ella would really like to have even one kiss.

Hello ladies!! At least, the lady on the right… the lady on the left is apparently a teen.

I foresee this being a short-lived romance.

Josh had this pained look on his face for nearly their whole conversation.

At least he got in a sneaky kiss… eighth of the ten he needs, yay!

Josh: That kiss was THE WORST EVER, ew ew ew

Ella, meanwhile, has been grumpily playing chess in the park all by herself this entire time.

I thought she might want to meet Savanna, the Mean to her Evil, but judging by this face I guess not.

Ella decided to tell Savanna a funny story about marriage being a meaningless joke!

Which is funny, because according to Ella’s relationships panel, Savanna here is married to Siobhan Fyres, whom Ella doesn’t like.

Unfortunately, Savanna dislikes flirting EVEN MORE than Ella dislikes Siobhan Fyres. REJECTED!

So Ella yelled at her.

Ella: MAYBE I DIDN’T WANT IN YOUR UNDERPANTS ANYWAY, YOU OLD HAG!!!

Right, well, moving right along…

Ella and Josh head on over to the Bjergsens’ house to pay a visit to his OFFICIAL GIRLFRIEND, Elsa.

Looks like Josh is going to be a daddy some day VERY soon!

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Ella is yelling at the elder Bjergsens because that is definitely what you do as a guest in someone’s house.

Elsa went upstairs to take a nap, so Josh sat down with Sofia Bjergsen for… uh… an innocent chat.

Josh: You should see me working out some time. I have some serious muscles under this thin cotton shirt… maybe you should take a look.

Oh, sorry, did I say “innocent”? This is Josh Cooper! I meant NOT AT ALL, IN ANY WAY, INNOCENT

Sofia: Oh, boy, you’ve got me all steamed up and I’m just so tired I think I’ll have to have a lie-down…
Josh: Bu… my sandwich!

She actually was going to bed so Josh had to DISPOSE OF THE SANDWICH in order to hurry things along.

Kiss #9! With… his girlfriend’s sister.

Meanwhile, Ella has been fighting with Bjorn over the proper preparation method for grilled cheese sandwiches. #perfectguest

Then Josh and Ella move on to the Discothèque Pan Europa, where Ella meets a certain Joaquin le Chien.

Joaquin proves to be just about the only person in this town willing to hear Ella out, which is definitely a point in his favour.

Meanwhile, Josh is sad because he’s had a whim to WooHoo with Jade all day and for like the first time ever she isn’t at the club!! So he calls her to invite her over.

He then immediately forgot he’d invited Jade Rosa to join him, and started running for where Candy was hanging with her Spin Master mates.

Oh look… like ONE HOUR LATER, Jade Rosa finally turned up.

Josh thinks all his Christmases have come at once!! …apparently having forgotten that he ordered himself this Christmas gift.

Meanwhile, Ella has schmoozed Joaquin to the point that their green bar is 50% full and their pink bar is at least 10% full, so SURELY IT IS TIME! (For kissing, not WooHoo; Ella is getting ahead of herself.)

Nope… REJECTED!!

Probably because this… not-very-nice-person inserted herself into the conversation and made it a “Very Awkward Encounter”.

Ella: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, LADY?? CAN’T YOU SEE I WAS ABOUT TO GET SOME LOVIN’??? NOW MY HEART IS BROKEN THANKS TO YOU

The old lady apparently didn’t give a shit, angering Ella.

At least Josh is getting to satisfy his whims with Jade Rosa.

Apparently he gave Jade such an O that her face got locked that way, lol. All in a day’s work for this Serial Romantic!

Then he and Ella went home because they were both tired and Ella was feeling humiliated.

Back at home, Billie is definitely a bit more pregnant than she was last time we saw her.

India, meanwhile, reflects proudly on her ability to avoid potty accidents.

A wholesome sibling breakfast.

After most of the householders go to work, Ella decides to invite Joaquin over to continue from where she was rudely interrupted last night.

Ella: Monogamy is like a ball and chain, my friend! FIGHT THE SYSTEM!

On the other hand…

Joaquin really appreciated Ella’s Bold Pick-Up Line!

Although he DID follow this up by deciding to scare Ella. Luckily she’s also a Goofball so she didn’t care. I think Morgan is relieved that her daughter’s love interest knows how to take baths.

First kiss!

It’s always nice to have clarification.

Starting to think I need a designated canoodling room.

He agreed to be her boyfriend, hooray!

Meanwhile, it’s time for some birthdays. India is pumped!

Delta is not so pumped.

Ignoring this whole event, in the living room, Ella makes a subtle proposition…

…which, predictably, causes her nieces to shriek in disgust.

While this was going on, Josh got an invitation to join the Spin Masters! Which consists solely of him, Candy and Joaquin at this point. That’s better than the Good Timers club though, which is now only Claire.

Away from the prying eyes of her nieces, Ella decides to take her relationship to the next level.

This animation is actually surprisingly raunchy…

Literally the INSTANT they were done, he decided to fuck off home though. Too bad, Joaquin! You’ve been sucked into Ella’s web now.

Oh boy oh boy, Delta, Claire just LOVES being told about how there were no computers back in her day! What a great choice you have made. Ignore the massive hit your relationship just took.

ok so, upon aging up, both India and Delta had whims to be funny with their favourite Evil Aunt Ella! UNFORTUNATELY, she was having an evil moment and yelled at Delta for telling a joke that didn’t make any sense.

I mean, look at her face, Ella! How could you do this??

The twins in CAS! India got the Goofball trait and the Social Butterfly aspiration; Delta got the Gloomy trait and the Whiz Kid aspiration. With the exact same face overlay, the only difference I can see between them (and it’s minor) is the nose… otherwise, they’re identical.

Doin’ their homeworks because the girls are just SO responsible that they do them before they even have school!

Alexander Goth, the bartender who Ella thought was Insufferably Tedious, is apparently thrilled for her that she has a beau now.

That evening, the Fake Morgan Fyres turned up to visit! And she is down for a flirt!

And Josh gets his tenth first kiss!

Yeah… from his mum’s clone. This is some weird Freudian shit.

Meanwhile… this is a possible interaction that India has for Delta…

Not sure you understand the concept of teasing, India.

Billie complains to Arnold about their love life, publicising his “wilting” issues to the whole dinner table. Claire files this knowledge away for later.

ARGH DELTA, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!! I would’ve thought it’d be India for sure.

Luckily for Delta, it looks like she won’t get into ANY trouble for this, because the only adult who’s not busy doing anything (Morgan) has no parenting options available to her other than this one. I guess grandmas have no authority in this game.

Meanwhile, India seems to be up to age-inappropriate shenanigans.

Josh, meanwhile, rolled a whim to WooHoo with Someone, so he decided to see if the Fake Morgan Fyres was down for some covert action in the hot tub. (She was.)

Fake Morgan: Wow, man, your mum and I could be identical twins! And, uh, her name is also Morgan Fyres? Isn’t that a bit weird to you?
Josh: What? Why would that be weird?

Delta apparently has her father wrapped around her little finger, since he started cleaning her mess without even telling her off at all…

I made him do this.

Arnold: You can’t just trash the living room, honey, it’s not right.
Delta: Sure, daddy… sure.

Josh immediately rolled a whim to have Hot Tub WooHoo AGAIN, so he makes this suggestion to Fake Morgan.

Fake Morgan: Haha, you’re so naughty ;)

After that he was tired and hungry… but he rolled a whim to go for yet another round of WooHoo.

Josh: What do you think, baby? ;)
Fake Morgan: Haha, sure!
India: LOL DADDY THEY’RE BEING INAPPROPRIATE AROUND CHILDREN

After that Morgan went home. tbh she must’ve been just as exhausted as Josh after their THREE ROUNDS OF WOOHOO :|