The Coopers 5.5

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Welcome back! Hope you enjoy!

Last time: Billie had another set of twins! Ella proposed to, married, and moved in with Joaquin le Chien. Josh kept working on his Serial Romantic aspiration; he now has three girlfriends, including his baby mama and his sister-in-law. Candy Behr stood him up for a date though. Britta and Morgan had to move out to their own place due to the tyranny of the household management screen. The younger twins became toddlers. Ella paid a visit and Arnold yelled at her. We continue…

Having just read his niece Sierra to sleep, Josh calls up his old friend Candy Behr and asks her on a date.

THIS TIME, she neither stands him up nor bails within one second. I appreciate it, Candy.

I Josh just realised there was this entire upstairs area of the nightclub with couches and literally nothing else, specifically designed for canoodling! Josh puts the area to good use.

Girlfriend #4! Although Josh, maybe you should take a step back and question whether you should really be posting that all over your social media. Like, just a thought.

They celebrate this milestone in their relationship with a good old-fashioned romp inside this wardrobe.

Yeha!!!

Arnold: Potty time?
Oscar: NO! :)

This seems like a healthy father-son relationship already.

Oscar (thinking): He thinks that was disobedient? He ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

Goddamn it.

DOES THIS NIGHTLIGHT MEAN NOTHING TO YOU, CRUEL GAME??

ok, so he’s very naughty, but I’m finding Oscar extremely endearing.

Delta had been trashing the backyard the night before, but I forgot about it until she started cleaning it autonomously, so I guess that’s ok then.

Josh invited Elsa out on a date!

Elsa: Why haven’t you come and visited me and your babies? What the hell have you been so busy doing?
Josh: Umm… sorry?

Josh convinced Elsa to forget about it… and got the 3^rd gold date that he needed for his aspiration!

When Josh got home, Oscar and Sierra a) were awake again despite not being much more well-rested than they had been at the time they went to sleep; and b) were upset because Billie had gone to work.

Luckily, Arnold and Claire were on hand to lull the toddlers back to sleep, freeing Josh up for a more pressing activity.

i.e. fulfilling his whim to WooHoo in a Hot Tub.

Elsa: Man, it’s been so long but you’re not rusty at all!
Josh: Well, I am extremely talented.

India seems to be following in the footsteps of her Uncle Josh at school (or at least aspiring to)… Claire is NOT HAVING IT.

wow this looks safe

FANTASTIC

Josh: What? I don’t get it.

India, Elsa and Claire come running to the scene! Delta did NOT come running because I guess she’s so emo that she doesn’t even care if her house burns down.

Apparently Elsa and Claire are not exactly each other’s greatest fans.

The good news was that Claire didn’t even need to be instructed to extinguish the blaze, and the Cooper residence was saved.

The insurance payout didn’t cover the cost of replacing the barbecue though, but w/e.

Nothing like a near-death experience to bring two lovebirds closer together!

He just… fuckin’… accio’d a serve of franks and beans to himself from off the kitchen table and took it back to his bedroom to eat it!! I didn’t know toddlers could do this!

India and Delta are now BEST FRIENDS 4 EVA!!

India: PEE-YEW, SIS! You stink at this game!
Delta: *minus minus*

India seems to be taking after her daddy :(

Speaking of which, Arnold’s been promoted! Unfortunately for his next promotion he needs another Charisma point, which as we all know is a big ask for him.

Arnold: Hi honey! I’m home!
Billie: Sure are.

Arnold: MWAH!
Billie: Nawwww :)

Arnold: WHAT DID YOU HAVE SO MANY KIDS FOR, YOU DUMB BREEDER?! TWO SETS OF TWINS?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??? AND NOW I’M SURROUNDED BY SCREAMING BRATS IN MY OWN HOUSE
Billie: uh… what

Arnold: Oh, er, sorry, was that me? I have no idea what came over me… must be the stress from work…
Billie: mmhmm

Arnold: Don’t you know where the shower is though? You reek. Do you need me to show you the way?

you an idiot, Arnold

Arnold (thinking): I’d be so heartbroken if she left me…

Then maybe time to rethink everything that comes out of your mouth!

Don’t ever let anyone say that Oscar doesn’t know how to entertain himself.

India: Daddy, has anyone ever told you you’re REALLY MEAN? You’re like a crab at the beach going SNAP SNAP SNAP at everyone!

Arnold: *recoils*

India: I can’t believe you called us all screaming brats!
Arnold: Did not!
India: Did too! You screamed it so loud the whole house heard you!
Arnold: Oh… shit…

Meanwhile, Billie vents to Josh in a bathroom.

(Technically, she was imitating her boss, but I’m sure she keeps Josh updated on the vagaries of her marriage too.)

India: Did you like my line about the crabs?
Delta: Get a new speechwriter.
India: You, too, are a crab.

Arnold: FOR FUCK’S SAKE, BLARFFY, I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANY MORE! MY OWN DAUGHTER INSULTS MY AUTHORITY! MY WIFE IS ALWAYS DISTANT! MY LITTLE BROTHER THINKS HE’S BETTER THAN ME! FUCKIN’ SHOW ME THE WAY, BLARFFY!!!
Billie (thinking while potty training a toddler): I married a nutcase :)

Arnold: This mess? CLEAN IT.
India: But Oscar—
Arnold: Did I stutter? CLEAN THE MESS.
India: fine :(

This interaction was “Teach Oscar to Dance”… ♥

As a work from “home” task, Josh had to give an Energised Speech at this podium Uptown. No one listened but that’s ok; it fulfills this stupid task anyway.

He then checked out this lounge… but it was sparsely populated, and only by old people :(

Luckily, with the almighty power of the TELEPHONE, Josh is able to turn his night around! Sofia Bjergsen, despite being his children’s auntie, is receptive to his advances.

He takes his time though, because everyone knows that a true gentleman always seduces his girlfriend’s sister slowly.

This view, man. I’m so glad Uptown isn’t crashing my game any more.

She agreed to be his girlfriend, so that’s number 5!

But, uh, seriously man… careful with the social media.

When Josh gets home, Oscar is crying for no discernable reason.

Arnold: What the fuck, little man?! I don’t wanna see any big baby tears around here! Real men don’t cry!
Oscar: oh :o

Stop being mean to your kids, Arnold… T_T

That night, Julian’s ghost randomly climbs into bed with Arnold. You know why that was a possibility? BECAUSE BILLIE IS AUTONOMOUSLY SLEEPING IN JOSH’S BED NOW, THAT’S WHY

Claire, however, was pleased to see her husband who literally died how many updates ago now omfg.

They had a good time.

Really? In the world of this game he’s SINGLE??

According to her relationship panel, he’s now her “Deceased Spouse” AND her “Boyfriend”…

He then pretended to have broken his neck… somehow… and died to scare Claire. Come on, man. That’s mean!

Should’ve done this ages ago, but I made over the younger twins!

And Josh’s kids with Elsa have reached toddlerhood now, so here they are in CAS! Romeo (left) has the Angelic trait, and Charlie (right) has Clingy. They seem identical.

Yes, I renamed them to fit the naming theme. They still have the surname Bjergsen though, because apparently hyphenating was too long for this game :(

Apparently asking your husband’s ghost to be your boyfriend qualifies as a new relationship.

India: Nan, you so ugly you probably wear MEN’S boxer shorts
Claire: ACK! Not another little shit!

Insulting people earns you Social skill. Good to know.

Meanwhile, Delta is feeling tense because she thinks her great-grandma is a stranger.

Claire: My own flesh and blood… *sniffle*

Claire: Hey kiddo, have you ever tried playing American football?! It’s GREAT stress relief! So much fun. You and I should have a kick in the park sometime!
Delta: Uhhhhh… brb

Delta (writing): Dear Diary, Today some stranger calling herself MY GREAT-GRANDMOTHER was in the kitchen. She tried to force me, against my will, to play some vile game known as ‘American football’. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE INSULTED IN MY LIFE

Meanwhile, Billie is trying to teach India how to dance. India is Not Feeling It.

India decided to “empty the trash”, but instead of taking the rubbish bag to the bin out the front, dumped it all over the kitchen floor. YES I SAW YOU DO THAT INDIA

India: :DDDDD

She then goes to Troll Teh Forums, because that is actually her main hobby in life.

Josh decided to invite his sons with Elsa over for a toddler play date!!!

Unfortunately… Sofia Bjergsen (not Elsa) turned up without any toddlers…

So, Josh just had to play with his niblings. Luckily he enjoys that anyway.

Delta acts out on her resentment by trashing the entryway.

Billie struggles to contain her suspicion that Sofia and Josh are up to something.

If only Billie could know that this was the one time her feelings were actually reasonable.

Oscar is not really enjoying this toddler play date too much.

It was because he wanted to sleep. Arnold read him to sleep and then autonomously tucked him in (?!?). Too cute.

Sierra was not sleepy, but one of the success criteria for this social event was to read a book to a toddler, so Billie did.

Conveniently, that left Josh free to work on the other success criteria for this event, “Hosts interact with guests 10 times”.

Not bad considering the frickin’ guest toddlers didn’t show up!!

do Sims actually put any thought at all into the texts that they send, or nah